A gratitude practice for moments of anger…

What is anger? Anger is generally a feeling we experience in response to someone or something we feel has done us wrong in some way.

When is it useful? Anger can be useful when we have been wronged, and when we need to find a healthy outlet toward which to direct our anger into a meaningful action that will somehow satisfy and repair the balance of power. This includes the personal work we do to deconstruct the lies we’ve been told about white supremacy, and to rebuild ourselves with an awareness of our inherent biases and racist tendencies so that we can overcome and rewrite them. This also includes activism in the face of injustice - protesting, marching, calling our congresspersons, direct support of those disenfranchised and oppressed, and donating our time and money when and where we can.

Anger is not, however, always useful. I know I personally can recall, as I’m sure can you, an example of a time when I have felt wronged, but it was my own limited perspective on the situation or my personal projections that made me feel that way. So how do we move through anger when it’s not productive? I practice deconstructing my expectations of other peoples’ behavior. I practice unconditional positive regard. And those help. The most helpful thing I practice, though, is gratitude.

Take a breath.

Feel into your anger. Really allow it to take you over. Feel your cheeks flush with it, your pulse quicken, your blood pressure slightly (and safely) rise…you are angry. You feel righteous, and indignant. You feel slighted, perhaps, or dismissed, or overlooked. You are angry. And that is ok. And why are you angry? Has something that is really important to you had to be sacrificed because of it? Perhaps your sense of order or control? Perhaps someone else was left to go without? What is it that you value you so deeply and so intensely that your anger still burns brightly at your thought of the slight of it? The insult of it? What is it that matters so much to you?

And hold on to THAT.

And then begin to feel grateful for it. Let yourself in that same moment feel love for the thing you hold precious and dear. Let the love rise up into the anger, breaking through it. Let the love encompass and absorb that energy, growing with it. Feel the blessing in your life, and be aware of how dearly you hold onto this truth, and how much you don’t want to lose it. Hold onto this GRATITUDE. Feed and nurture it. Gratitude as a practice is enlightening and lightening - it shows us what we value, sometimes to our surprise, and it lifts the weight of the burdens of responsibility and suffering by putting our focus on what we want to hold and bring in, and on what creates ease and joy for us.

What are five things you’re grateful for? Five things that light you up inside? Five things that make life worth living when you wake up each morning? For me it is, in no particular order, my child, my partner, this work, big old trees, and the ocean. What are your five things? I want you to really think of each of them, and invoke them, and hold gratitude in your heart for a few moments as you move through them

What are you grateful for?

1. Maybe it’s a person, a place or a thing…

2. …a moment or memory…

3. …a quality you admire in yourself or others…

4. …a hard lesson learned…

5. …maybe it’s what we have to hold onto.

Anger is useful. Anger in the service of others. Anger in the service of justice and repair. Anger to incite action…to liberate and uplift the oppressed. Anger to protect those people, persons, and things that mean the most to us. Discover what essential and precious things your anger is trying to protect, and you will come another step closer to truly knowing yourself.

Blessings on your journey.

💖