Roadblocks
After a lifetime of being told by my family and loved ones how wonderful and amazing I am, lately I’ve been having the feeling that I’m not that special. I’m not 100% sure if this is a bad thing or not. I’m still deconstructing it. And I think maybe it’s ok to realize I’m not so special while simultaneously realizing I’m nothing if not special. And that everyone is unique and special in our own way in terms of what we bring to the world, or connections, our love, and our contributions. Lately this feeling has been weaving its way into my reflections, and bringing up feelings of doubt. Do I really have what it takes to make the mark I want to make in the world? This question or one very like it is the seed of every midlife crisis.
There’s a fear response that comes up, as though life only works when everything goes smoothly. As though we can only continue breathing when everything is planned and preordained. But this is not true, and humans even more so than other animals are capable of dealing with the unexpected bumps in the road that cause us to have to alter course. We are as adaptable a species precisely because life is full of such obstacles, roadblocks, and detours. And pretty much anything worthwhile in life is preceded by fear of the unknown, and worry over being tested, and an uncertainty about whether we will rise to the occasion. The butterflies in our stomachs are more than our fair weather friends - they are our lifelong living companions.
I plan on making very good friends with my butterflies in these next several decades of my life. In that vein, I’ve decided to embark on a writing journey over the next year to get to know myself better. The first prompt I am being given is all about what is standing in my way or holding me back. Oftentimes I think what’s holding me back is money, but really its resources. And if I peel the onion a layer deeper, what it is that holds me back in any given moment is worry - the worry that I won’t be prepared to deal with the inevitable difficult thing when it comes up. But worry is just a lack of trust in tomorrow’s me, and I know she will be amazing and capable of handling whatever comes her way.
When we encounter roadblocks in the real world we can take a detour to go around, a bridge, an overpass, and underpass, a ferry, get directions, call a tow truck, ask for help, or do any number of things to keep us progressing forward. Every time we take a step outside our front door we are unsure what will transpire before we return home again. For me I feel confident knowing I can lean into my strengths and break my dreams down into bite sized, more easily accomplished goals, then break those goals down into steps, and then accomplish those steps one at a time. Reminding myself of my strengths and the way I have gotten through so many challenges already helps me remember that betting on myself might be a risk, but it’s not too risky to succeed - it’s a pretty proven bet in fact, and I have as much or as little control over the outcome as I am willing to invest my time and energy into my pursuits.
Here are some questions to use to explore your own roadblocks, and unlocking the keys to overcoming them.
What roadblock or obstacle is standing in your way right now?
What would you do if you were not constrained by time, effort, money or other resources?
What would happen if you overcame the obstacle? What would you do next?
What would life be like (emotionally, physically, financially) if you do not overcome this challenge?
What are the next three things you can do to overcome this? What do you need to learn? What tasks do you need to perform? Who do you need to convince?
Have you ever used an "obstacle" as an excuse not to get started on something that was important to you? Did you regret it?
Are obstacles really just fears holding you back? What would you do if you were not afraid?
What is the longest-running obstacle or challenge in your life?
What steps have you used to make progress toward overcoming it? How far have you come with it? What do you wish would happen? How would that be possible?
What is the biggest obstacle you faced in your past? Did you overcome it? If so, how? If not, why?
What would you do if you didn’t care what anyone else in the world would think?
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