Coming Full Circle
Some days are hard. I have several friends who have been really struggling lately, and I myself am not immune. I too have been living the last year riding the coronacoaster of emotional peaks and valleys. Sometimes it’s been nice to sit in it and feel all my feelings, and let that be okay for as long as it needs to be. I’ve had many moments in the past year of fruitful self-exploration. Other times I’m just over it. When I am ready to move through my feelings, and be changed by them but no longer challenged by them, I turn to my personal practices to help. One such practice I have found to be most useful in getting me through my feelings has been to see through them to their other side. Every uncomfortable feeling holds within it the promise of a beautiful realization. I mean, that’s also sometimes totally irrelevant and we all get to feel our shitty feelings. But still, for me, I love to learn, and about myself most of all. Here are some examples I use that work to get me to the other side:
Fear, beloved protector, I hear you. I heed your warnings. I understand your concern. I want you to know that I am going to protect us. I love you for wanting so fiercely to save and preserve what matters most. And I love that you remind me of the preciousness of life and everything in it. Fear, I love you. I offer my fear as a deep love and desire for things that are precious to remain so, for things that are valued to be valued still, and for the best outcome for all beings concerned. I love you.
Anger, dearest passionate fire of justice, protector and warrior, you are fierce, and righteous, and I see you. Yes this is wrong. Yes this is awful. And yes it’s important to take the right action. What is that action? What do you need to do to be satisfied? Anger, I am grateful to you - grateful that you’ve lifted me up out of complicity, complacency, and I am no longer upholding a lie. Anger you breathe life into me. You inspire me. I commit to doing the work that needs to be done. Thank you.
Insecurity, you show me what matters. I offer you my devotion. Nothing is mine, not even that which I love the most. And the more tightly I hold on, the more I devalue the sovereignty of other beings. Thank you for helping me remember I am whole and sovereign unto myself, and that from this position of wholeness and sovereignty I can respect and honor that of others. You show me what is so precious to me that it has become a part of me. You remind me who I am. I honor you.
Jealousy, oh how I am filled with admiration at the wonder and beauty of the world. I see so much that I want, and I want it all. Jealousy you inspire me. You show me what’s possible. I see what I want outside of myself and it helps me to define my next move. Jealousy you push me to the next level by helping me understand where I am not living up to my potential. I know that just because something exists outside me, doesn’t mean it can’t be within me as well. I will follow where you lead.
Disgust, you show me the things in life that are difficult to look at. You reveal me, and lay me bare with all my weakness and failings exposed. The parts of life that trigger your feeling in me are the same parts where I need to reconcile the gruesome in life with its beauty. Open my heart and my senses to another interpretation of this moment, and help me to embody compassion for all aspects and conditions of this existence. I live in awe of the workings of this world in all forms.
Sadness, oh hold me dear one. There has already been so much to grieve, and we’ve all experienced so much loss. Yet the loss of life also holds the value of it, and the desire for more. Why am I sad if not for having experienced a moment of true happiness, and that moment, when I live within it, can wrap me up like an eternity. Sadness, though I feel your walls closing in around me, I am not crushed. Though I feel your weight on my chest, I still breathe. I am a survivor. Sadness, I will survive. You remind me of my strength and my hope.
Loneliness, I am not comfortable with the amount of time I’ve spent apart from those who mean the most to me. I crave connection and touch. There are so many that crave connection and touch, and in my desire for this connection exists the power to offer it to others. In you I find my capacity for service and to bring connection and touch and human companionship to those most in need. With you as my guide I promise to move through the world in service to quenching this desire in others.
Annoyance, why are there so many small unimportant things that take up so much of my mindshare? You remind me to let go. More than anything, by showing me so many things that call for a reaction, you remind me of my ability to remain unaffected. I am able to pause now, after your testing. I am able to look within and give myself permission to have no response. Not everything requires attention. Some things require space, and time. You teach me patience, and with my patience comes peace.
These are just a few of the meditations I use to move with and through my more challenging emotions. I hope you find some of them useful. More than anything, I encourage you to look at your feelings as letters to be opened, read, considered, and sometimes responded to, and other times, just filed away or tossed in the recycling or the fire. It’s always up to you to decide.
Blessings,
💖
